computer jokes

If Operating Systems were beer..
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 95 Beer:
You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

10) E-Mail flames from some guy named 'Fluffy.'
9) Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8) You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip.
7) Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.
6) Your mouse has teeth marks in it...and a strange aroma of tuna.
5) Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of 'CyberDog.'
4) Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3) You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2) On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
1) There are little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"
The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!"

Did you hear that Netscape is moving to Tel-Aviv, Israel?
They're going to rename themself "Netan-Yahoo"