Category: Lawyer Jokes



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Ranking: 3.40 / 164
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense to get his client off the hook. "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not himself, so I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed soley by his arm."
"Well put," the judge replied with a grin. "Using that same logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. Your client can accompany the arm or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's help, he detatched his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
#1362    
Thanks to: Maria - Watervliet - New York - USA.
rec.:Sep/8/2001    pub.:Sep/23/2001    sent:Sep/25/2012


Ranking: 3.92 / 79
Gatiep grew up in Tafelsig, Mitchell's Plain, an average suburb of Cape
Town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to
come back to Mitchell’s Plain, because he could be a big man in Tafelsig.
He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new
Law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to
make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came
to the door Gatiep picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, while talking. "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't
settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed
to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument
and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the
State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while
The man sat patiently as Gatiep rattled instructions. Finally, Gatiep put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What
can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from Telkom, I've come to connect your telephone line".

#10792    
Thanks to: Morné van der Merwe - Stellenbosch - Western Cape - South Africa
rec.:Aug/16/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:Sep/14/2003


Ranking: 3.67 / 96
An attorney, anxious to impress the judge with the detail, asked the following line of questions of a doctor who had recently performed an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
#9210    
Thanks to: Reg Hardman - Brisbane - Australia
rec.:Apr/24/2003    pub.:May/27/2003    sent:Jan/31/2012


Ranking: 2.97 / 217
Three Friends

Three friends - a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician - were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adan's rib - a surgical procedure." The engineer replied: "before Adam and Eve, order was created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job." The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created the chaos?"
#14    
Thanks to: Edward Burman
rec.:Aug/14/1997    pub.:Aug/14/1997    sent:Apr/1/2003


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