Category: Lawyer Jokes

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Ranking: 3.12 / 91
Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!
Thanks to: Chas Wenger - Columbus - Ohio - USA.
rec.:Jul/24/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:Dec/4/2008

Ranking: 3.18 / 77
At a party of professionals, a Doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms, and get an opinion about diagnosis. The Doctor turned to a Lawyer acquaintance, and asked, "How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?"
"Simple," answered the Lawyer, "I send them a bill. That stops it."
The next day, the Doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send the bills; there sat a bill from the Lawyer.
Thanks to: Donovan Maturi - USA.
rec.:Feb/17/2011    pub.:Feb/22/2011    sent:Aug/30/2013

Ranking: 3.01 / 77
A very well dressed and dignified lawyer called a plumber to fix his flooded bathroom. When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of overalls and took off his cap with the words “Blue Collar Man” on the brim. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed lawyer smirked in a condescending way and said: "Interesting cap! And do you usually need a change of OVERALLS?"

The plumber just smiled. When he was done the plumber gave him the bill, and told him he had to get some more equipment from his truck. He explained that he needed a new assistant because of all the work and was short-handed. He asked the lawyer if he knew of any friends who might want the job.

The lawyer raised his eyebrows and pointed at his suit, his shoes and his office: "Now, do I LOOK like someone who would have a plumber for a friend?"

"You're right. A high class white-collar guy like you would never know plumbers." said the plumber apologetically.

"Exactly! After all, I have high standards!" sneered the upper-crust lawyer, as he checked his shoes to make sure the shine was still perfect and carefully tightened the knot of his tie.

When the plumber returned, he entered the lawyer's office and there in the garbage can were the lawyer's brand new mirror-polished $700 Brooks Brothers capote business shoes, with the black silk socks rolled up and tucked neatly inside.

On the floor was the hand-tailored $2,000 Armani pinstriped business suit the lawyer had been wearing, with attached paisley suspenders, as well as the natty Hermes silk tie and the matching pocket square, monogrammed gold cufflinks, starched white shirt, silver tiepin and Rolex. His law degree and briefcase were also piled up next to them.

The plumber went in and the first there was the lawyer in overalls, lying under the sink with his bare feet sticking out. The plumber tapped on the soles of the lawyer's feet. The lawyer looked out, with the “Blue Collar Man” cap on top of his hundred-dollar haircut and sweat streaming down his face. He pointed at the bill and said, "You found your assistant".

Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Apr/8/2005    pub.:Apr/8/2005    sent:Jul/5/2008

Ranking: 3.00 / 58
An attorney ran over to the office of his client. “I can’t believe it!” said the angered attorney. “You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we’re certain to lose this case!” “Relax,” said the client, “I sent it in the prosecutor’s name.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/20/2009    pub.:Aug/20/2009    sent:Jan/10/2010

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