Category: Police Jokes



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Ranking: 4.11 / 1232
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
#477    
Thanks to: Walter Smith
rec.:Oct/22/1999    pub.:Oct/22/1999    sent:Jun/15/2013


Ranking: 3.83 / 1274
†A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
†He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
†The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
†The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
†At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
#754    
Thanks to: David Figueroa
rec.:May/26/2000    pub.:May/26/2000    sent:Jul/10/2013


Ranking: 3.98 / 858
A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driverís window and said, "Sir, may I see your driverís license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driverís license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."
#1082    
Thanks to: Alan Redding - Orange Park - FL - USA.
rec.:Jul/9/2001    pub.:Jul/9/2001    sent:Jan/23/2014


Ranking: 3.51 / 901
Quick Wit:†
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.†
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".†
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."†
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."†
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"†
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."†
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."†
#603    
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com - Pembroke - Pines Florida
rec.:Mar/4/2000    pub.:Mar/4/2000    sent:Feb/8/2014


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