Category: Police Jokes



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Ranking: 3.53 / 121
Holidays around the precinct are always lively, especially in the 911 areas.
One particular night, a drunk calls in, and the following communication began:
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Osifer, I've been robbed!"
"Can you be more specific sir?"
"Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."
"Could you please repeat that sir?" By now there's a crowd gathering around the dispatcher's chair.
"Yes, shur. Someone stole my gas pedal, my brake pedal and my steering wheel."
"Sir, what is your location?"
"I'm in my car."
"Sir, could you explain to me exactly where your car is located?"
"Yes, shur. I'm on Baker Street. Uh, 488 Baker!"
"Alright, sir, we'll send officers out to investigate it. Try to stay calm."
The phone call ends at this point but not five minutes later another call comes in.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Osifer?"
"Yes, what is your emergency please?"
"Osifer, this is me again. I just found my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."
"Okay, sir. Are you still needing assistance?"
"No, shur, I was just in the back seat."
#8511    
Thanks to: Patty Brady - Jonesboro - AR - USA.
rec.:Mar/19/2003    pub.:May/27/2003    sent:Dec/19/2012


Ranking: 3.40 / 128
A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
#20416    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/20/2009    pub.:Aug/20/2009    sent:Apr/9/2014


Ranking: 2.67 / 408
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. 
Driving up beside her, he says, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
#1105    
Thanks to: Irishprincess Dani - Gresham - OR - USA.
rec.:Aug/1/2001    pub.:Aug/1/2001    sent:Apr/15/2003


Ranking: 3.39 / 109
Speed Trap 
A Police officer had been told by his sergeant that he was to bring up his quota of speeding fines, he decided to park and use his radar gun flashing the cars as they drove by on a busy street. 
Well one hour went by then two and no one was speeding. After about six hours a lone car came speeding by at well over the limit, the officer turned on his lights and siren and pulled the car over. As the officer approached the drivers window he remarked "I've been waiting for you all day" and the driver replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could" 
#1098    
Thanks to: Gabe
rec.:Jul/25/2001    pub.:Jul/25/2001    sent:Jul/25/2001


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