Category: Work Jokes

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Ranking: 3.33 / 95

Iím Tired!

Yes, Iím tired. For several years Iíve been blaming it on getting older, lack of sleep, weekend projects, stale office air, poor nutrition, carrying extra pounds, raising a family, recent colds, and a dozen other reasons that make you wonder why life is getting rough. .

But now I found out whatís really happening! Iím tired because Iím overworked. The population of the USA reached 300 million last October. 79 million of the populations are retired. That leaves 221 million to do the work. There are 19 million toddlers and 76 million students in schools, which leave 126 million to do the work. Of that total, 21 million are unemployed leaving 105 million to do the work.

Then you take away 34 million in hospitals and that leaves 71 million to do the work. 43 million are in prisons and thatís 28 million left to do the work. Now take away 14,683,468 federal, 5,344,722 state and 5,370,743 city workers who run our government and youíre left with 2,601,067 to do the work. Take away the 2,601,065 people in the armed forces and that leaves just two people to do the work - You and Me! And youíre just sitting there reading this!
No wonder Iím tired!!!

Thanks to: Rob Tworek - USA.
rec.:Oct/27/2006    pub.:Nov/13/2006    sent:Nov/17/2006

Ranking: 3.05 / 139
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!Ē Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, whereís the story about the big swindle?Ē The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!Ē
Thanks to: juana - lushnja - albania - Albania
rec.:Dec/26/2008    pub.:Jan/8/2009    sent:Jul/10/2014

Ranking: 2.96 / 129
There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough...
I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.
Thanks to: Gemma Piscotti - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Dec/7/1999    pub.:Dec/7/1999    sent:Feb/24/2015

Ranking: 3.85 / 40
General Amalgamated Industries, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Thanks to: Ken - USA.
rec.:Apr/8/2013    pub.:Jun/21/2013    sent:Aug/17/2013

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