Category: Work Jokes



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Ranking: 3.23 / 553
A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing. 
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again. 
One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."
#635    
Thanks to: SimpleSentiments.com - Pembroke - Pines Florida  - USA.
rec.:Apr/10/2000    pub.:Apr/10/2000    sent:Oct/21/2013


Ranking: 3.71 / 191
A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger constructions.
First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge".
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men."
The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men."
Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" was the reply.
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men."
By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view.
Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?"
The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
#19378    
Thanks to: Jeff Cross - Australia
rec.:Aug/14/2008    pub.:Sep/23/2008    sent:Feb/8/2012


Ranking: 3.12 / 418
An employee comes into her manager’s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies, So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
#1060    
Thanks to: Kelechi O.
rec.:Jun/17/2001    pub.:Jun/17/2001    sent:Sep/3/2011


Ranking: 3.41 / 250
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
#131    
Thanks to: Donna Stuckert - USA.
rec.:Sep/15/1998    pub.:Sep/15/1998    sent:Feb/13/2012


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