Category: Elderly Jokes

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Ranking: 2.43 / 61
The frontier preacher was giving the traditional sermon on sin. "We should take all the whiskey and dump it in the river!" Back in the back of the church, a little old lady with a bonnet on stood up and shouted, "Amen, Amen!" and sat back down. The preacher smiled and continued, "And we should take all the sinful lust and dump it in the river!" The little old lady jumped up and shouted, "Amen, Amen, Amen!” then sat back down. The preacher excitedly hollered, "And we should take all of the snuff in this world and dump it in the river!" And the little old lady stood up and said, "Now you've stopped preaching and started meddling’!"
Thanks to: Leota - Burlington - Kansas - USA.
rec.:Jan/7/2003    pub.:Apr/16/2003

Ranking: 2.30 / 71
An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. “What would you like Marty?” she asked. “I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish.” He replied. “Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish.” Helen said. “What do you know,” answered Marty, “I’m getting it.” “Marty, I’m telling’ you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!” Helen exclaimed. “I’m getting it and that is the last word!” says Marty.
A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, “Where are my eggs?”
Thanks to: Shannon Schussler - Marietta - GA - USA.
rec.:Aug/6/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:Sep/18/2003

Ranking: 2.23 / 70
"I hope this plane doesn't travel faster than sound," said the old lady to the stewardess.
"Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Nov/14/2002    pub.:Nov/14/2002

Ranking: 2.66 / 35
An elderly man constantly called his doctor at all hours of the day and night and would then keep him on the phone with a litany of imagined ailments. Finally the doctor could take it no longer.
"Listen, Mr. Becker. If you wake me up again in the middle of the night with another one of your tales about some made-up ailment, i am going to insist you go to another physician. Have I made myself clear?" And he hung up the phone.
A week later, the unfortunate man slipped and fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his hip, two ribs, en elbow, and suffering a concussion. He was rushed to the hospital and put in intensive care. An hour later, his doctor walked in on him, saw his condition, and beamed, "Now I think you're getting the hang of it!"
Thanks to: by Donna Stuckart
rec.:Oct/29/2000    pub.:Oct/29/2000    sent:Oct/29/2000

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