Category: Elderly Jokes



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Ranking: 3.92 / 236
Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.
The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
#19682    
Thanks to: maggie - los angeles - ca - USA.
rec.:Nov/22/2008    pub.:Dec/19/2008    sent:May/14/2013


Ranking: 3.80 / 238
An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things. The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down. "I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember." "Well, I want that with nuts, too." "O.K. he says ice cream with nuts." She asks again if he's going to write it down. "No, I'm just going to the kitchen." "And a Cherry on the top?" He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down. Now the old man is angry, "Look, old lady I'm not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top." He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife. She looks up and says, "Honey, you forgot my toast."
#3079    
Thanks to: Roger Hancock - Portland - Oregon - USA.
rec.:Jan/29/2002    pub.:Mar/10/2002    sent:May/17/2013


Ranking: 3.21 / 641
"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. 
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. 
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" 
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. 
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. 
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. 
"Yup," Scott answered. 
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. 
"I forgot."
#547    
Thanks to: Simple Sentiments - USA.
rec.:Jan/5/2000    pub.:Jan/5/2000    sent:Apr/1/2013


Ranking: 3.35 / 426
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"
#2690    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jan/3/2002    pub.:Jan/3/2002    sent:Dec/30/2013


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