The last 50 jokes entered

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

A man went to visit a friend of his who worked for the zoo, tending to the elephants.
But found him crying.
When asked what happened the friend replied that the largest bull elephant had died earlier that morning.
"I'm sorry I didn't know you were so close to the elephant"
"I'm not - I have to bury it."

A brain surgeon told a patient “you have a growing mass in your brain, it needs to be tended to immediately or it will kill you"
The patient agreed to surgery the very next day.
Immediately after opening the skull the surgeon took a biopsy of the ugly growing mass and gave it to the surgical nurse with instructions to rush it to the lab and have it analyzed.
After a few minutes the nurse returned with the results and stood silently and grimly in front of the surgeon…. The surgeon finally asked…."WELL IS IT MALIGNANT?"
The nurse replied…" I'm afraid it’s worse" …" WORSE", the surgeon barked, "WHAT CAN BE WORSE THAN MALIGNANT?"
The nurse bowed her head and replied solemnly, "it's Liberal Progressive"…!!!

Two judges from a small county happen to be stopped for speeding on the same day. They agree that there's no point in calling the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge; they'll just go ahead and hear each other's case.
The next morning, one judge takes the bench, the other sits at counsel table. The first judge admits he's guilty, and the second judge suspends the fine and court costs for him.
They then switch places, the second judge pleads guilty as well, but the other judge fines him $200 plus all court costs.
The second judge is exceedingly upset: "I suspended your fine and costs and you go and give me the maximum!"
The first judge responds: "Well, look at the increase we've just had for this crime. SOMEBODY has to do something about it!"