The last 50 jokes entered

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me ... I must be a God!

A snail was mugged by a tortoise. The police said "Can you give us a description of your attacker?
The snail said, "no, it all happened so fast!"

Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air.
Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.
One says to the other, "What shall we do?"
The other says, I know fire three shots in the air and someone may come to find us.
He fires off three shots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.
What shall we do? Fire off three more shots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says "Shall we try again?"
The other says, "I guess not... I only have two arrows left...

A couple had a fight after which the wife started packing her belongings. Her husband asked her, 'where are you packing to?' She answered, 'I'm going to my mother.' After a while, the man started packing too. She asked, 'what are you doing, where are you going?' He answered, 'I'm going to my mother'. She asked, 'what happens to the 6 children then? Her husband answered, 'you're going to your mother, I'm going to my mother, and the children will also have to go to their mother!!'