The last 50 jokes entered

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Category: Animal Jokes
Ranking: 3.44 / 9
What creature has more lives than a cat?
A Frog. They croak every night.
Thanks to: Elizabeth Clemens - Woodbridge - Va - USA.
rec.:Feb/28/2015    pub.:Apr/29/2015    sent:May/29/2015

Ranking: 3.69 / 16
In a saloon in the old West, a large crowd of cowboys was drinking and carousing with the dance hall girls. In walked a greenhorn Easterner, a dry goods supplier from New York. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. Just then a boy ran in from outside through the swinging doors, completely out of breath. The crowd stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

“Big John’s in town,” the boy said, gasping.

In less than a minute, the entire crowd, except for the greenhorn, tumbling over one another, rushed out, including the bartender and everyone else who worked at the saloon, leaving the place completely empty and in disarray. The greenhorn realized that he should probably go, too. So he quickly downed the remainder of his beer, grabbed ahold of his sample case and started for the door.

Unfortunately, before he could reach it, another cowboy walked in, blocking his way. The man was huge, almost seven feet tall and muscular, with a face that was menacing, rugged and scarred. Hanging from his belt were two large six-shooters that had obviously seen plenty of action. The Easterner, frozen in fear, stood glued to the spot, unable to speak.

The huge man, towering over him, then glared at the greenhorn and said in a, deep, gravelly voice, “You drink with me.”

The greenhorn saw this as an order, not an invitation. So he walked over with the man, his heart pounding, fearing for his life, then sat down at the bar next to the cowboy, who then proceeded to pour each of them a whiskey. The massive cowpoke quickly downed his drink, wiped his face with his sleeve then stood up and started walking towards the door.

“Can’t stay,” he said, “ Big John’s in town.”
Thanks to: Rhonda Kovac - USA.
rec.:Mar/7/2015    pub.:Apr/29/2015

Category: Baby Jokes
Ranking: 3.22 / 18
Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital?
It came out cordless!
Thanks to: L. Lee - USA.
rec.:Mar/12/2015    pub.:Apr/29/2015    sent:Jul/28/2015

Ranking: 4.50 / 10
Irish Saw mill Accident....
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the sawmill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to the Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily, Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".

Thanks to: Lou Fortucci - Las Vegas - NV - USA.
rec.:Dec/20/2014    pub.:Apr/16/2015

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