Category: Family Jokes

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Ranking: 2.67 / 61
Examining his new will, the old man said to his attorney, “I guess this makes my son and I sort of like football players.”
“How’s that?” the lawyer asked.
“Well, until I kick off, he doesn’t receive.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/17/2003    pub.:Sep/17/2003    sent:Oct/25/2003

Ranking: 3.19 / 31
The difference between complete and finished?
If you marry the right one, that's complete.
If you marry the wrong one, that's finished.
If you marry the right one and then get caught with the wrong one, that's completely finished.

From Readers Digest
Thanks to: William Pendleton - Laurel Fork - VA - USA.
rec.:Jul/28/2014    pub.:Oct/29/2014    sent:Jan/1/1900

Ranking: 2.51 / 77
A small boy came running downstairs, shouting, “Mom! Mom! I cleaned my room without being told!”
“Well,” said the mother, “that's wonderful! Thank you very much. It will same me a lot of trouble, and it shows you are growing up.”
“Yeah, but, Mom,” said the boy, “don’t jump to conclusions.”
I don’t understand, dear,” said his mother. “Conclusions?”
“Yeah, Mom” said the boy. “This isn’t going to become a habit.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/12/2002    pub.:Apr/12/2002

Ranking: 2.72 / 54
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.

"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.

The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."

"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It's YOUR child!"
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Mar/29/2004    pub.:Mar/29/2004    sent:Jul/19/2004

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