Category: Female Jokes

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Ranking: 3.52 / 85
A lady goes into the hospital to have a very serious operation. While on the operating table. Undergoing preparation, she flat lines and soon finds herself standing before St. Peter. She begins to wonder what she is doing there. "Are you sure that I'm suppose to be here, St. Peter?" St. Peter says: “Let me look at the Book of Life." He looks carefully and says: “Why, no, my good woman, you're not due here for 30 or 40 years!" Suddenly, the lady wakes up in the O.R. and the doctor says: Wow! We thought we had lost you! We've consulted here and we decided you don't need this operation at this time." The lady hesitates and says: “Doctor, since I'm here and all prepped could you perhaps see what you can do about this flabbiness under my arms? And maybe give me a little tummy tuck and..... Oh! Oh, how about these facial laugh lines?" A week later, she is walking across the hospital parking lot when she is hit and killed by a truck. She goes again before S. Peter and she asks: “I thought you said I'm not due here for 30 or 40 years?" St. Peter says:" I didn't recognize you, my dear!"
Thanks to: G. F. Davis - River Forest - Illinois - USA.
rec.:Mar/7/2004    pub.:Mar/19/2004    sent:Jul/15/2004

Ranking: 3.12 / 129
A young bride tells her friend, “Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”
“ What a shame! And after all the time you’ve been engaged!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/26/2004    pub.:Apr/26/2004    sent:Aug/1/2013

Ranking: 2.76 / 208
Men who are bald at front of their heads are good thinkers. Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers. Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.
Thanks to: Lucia Unasa-Piana - Christchurch - New Zealand
rec.:Aug/16/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:May/5/2014

Ranking: 2.54 / 152
Four southern ladies were sitting around having Bloody Marys and talking about how much their husbands loved them. The first one says, "My husband loves me so much that he bought me a diamond ring." But, of course, she was in such a hurry she forgot her rings, but all the women still said, "Oh, how nice." The second woman says, "Well, my husband loves me so much he got me a fur coat." But it was the middle of July and too hot to wear a coat, but still all the ladies said, "Oh, how nice." So then the third woman says, "Well, my husband loves me so much he bought me a Mercedes-Benz." And, of course, she was being chauffeured in the family Buick." So they all looked at the fourth woman and said, "Well, honey, how much does your husband love you?" She replied, "He loves me so much that he bought me lesson to a charm school so I could learn to say 'Oh, how nice' instead of sarcastically saying 'Oh, ya, right' after everything you ladies say."
Thanks to: Beth H - Southside - Alabama - USA.
rec.:Nov/6/1999    pub.:Nov/6/1999    sent:Aug/20/2008

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