Category: Idiots Jokes

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Ranking: 3.00 / 63
You are blocking the way, sir, said the usher to a man sprawled in the aisle of a theater. “Please get up.” The man didn’t move or reply. The usher called the manager over, who said, “I must ask you to move.” Still the prone man didn’t reply. So the manager called the police. “Get up or I’ll have to take you in,” the officer said. “Where did you come from anyway?” The man stirred finally and said, “the balcony.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:May/15/2006    pub.:May/15/2006    sent:May/30/2006

Ranking: 2.61 / 114
An elderly lady decided she wanted the inside of her home painted so she looked in the newspaper and found an ad that said "no indoor house painting to small or large, call such and such number." so the woman gave the man a call and the next day he came to her house. The woman showed him the bedroom and said she wanted it painted light blue, he measure the room, wrote down the color. Then he went to the front door and yelled out "green side up", then they went to the kitchen and she asked for a light yellow, the man wrote it down, went to the front door and again yelled, "green side up" this went on for two other rooms with the man always going to the door and yelling "green side up" after they were done getting everything on paper, the woman asked the man how come after every room was finished he would go the front door and yell "green side up" ? the man laughed and told her that he also does landscaping and that he had just hired three idiots to lay sod across the street.
Thanks to: Ron Schaller
rec.:Apr/6/1998    pub.:Apr/6/1998    sent:Apr/6/1998

Ranking: 2.75 / 88
“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Mar/30/2009    pub.:Mar/30/2009    sent:Oct/19/2009

Ranking: 3.02 / 58
A big group of hunters were in the middle of the jungle and decided to split into smaller groups. Four fools decided to form one of the smaller groups and started walking.

After a while, one of them realized they were quite far away from the main group, and that they couldn't possibly find the way back. One of the other fools says to the other three: "I've heard that whenever you can't find your group, what you have to do is to shoot three times to the air and wait for someone to find you" They shoot three times to the air, wait a while, but nothing happens. So they shoot three more times to the air but, again, no one comes to help them. After trying three shots more the fool says: "I hope this time someone can find us... that was my last arrow"
Thanks to: Mr. Bean - Wallis And Futuna Islands
rec.:Jan/4/2007    pub.:Feb/5/2007    sent:Jul/2/2008

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