Category: Idiots Jokes

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Ranking: 3.03 / 64
You are blocking the way, sir, said the usher to a man sprawled in the aisle of a theater. “Please get up.” The man didn’t move or reply. The usher called the manager over, who said, “I must ask you to move.” Still the prone man didn’t reply. So the manager called the police. “Get up or I’ll have to take you in,” the officer said. “Where did you come from anyway?” The man stirred finally and said, “the balcony.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:May/15/2006    pub.:May/15/2006    sent:May/30/2006

Ranking: 3.22 / 49
A contractor hired two brothers to install home siding.
He demonstrated the process and sent them off to their first job.
Things were going smoothly when the older brother saw that his younger brother
was throwing nails away. He asked; "why are you throwing those nails away?" The younger brother replied, " The heads are on the wrong end." The older brother laughed, " Those are for the other side of the house."
Thanks to: Thomas Eaves - Waltham - Ma. - USA.
rec.:Apr/3/2003    pub.:May/27/2003

Ranking: 2.78 / 90
“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Mar/30/2009    pub.:Mar/30/2009    sent:Oct/19/2009

Ranking: 2.61 / 114
An elderly lady decided she wanted the inside of her home painted so she looked in the newspaper and found an ad that said "no indoor house painting to small or large, call such and such number." so the woman gave the man a call and the next day he came to her house. The woman showed him the bedroom and said she wanted it painted light blue, he measure the room, wrote down the color. Then he went to the front door and yelled out "green side up", then they went to the kitchen and she asked for a light yellow, the man wrote it down, went to the front door and again yelled, "green side up" this went on for two other rooms with the man always going to the door and yelling "green side up" after they were done getting everything on paper, the woman asked the man how come after every room was finished he would go the front door and yell "green side up" ? the man laughed and told her that he also does landscaping and that he had just hired three idiots to lay sod across the street.
Thanks to: Ron Schaller
rec.:Apr/6/1998    pub.:Apr/6/1998    sent:Apr/6/1998

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