Category: Idiots Jokes

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Ranking: 1.95 / 83
Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!” “You know.” Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple, and I think we should go back there to spend it.” “You’re right,” says the first man. “Let’s go out to the airport right now and catch the first plane back.” “Forget the airport,” says the friend, “let’s just take a limo.” “Forget the limo,” says the first man, and then he yells, “taxi!” A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, “Say, where in New York do you live?” “Fifty-ninth Street,” says the friend. The first man then says, “In that case, I had better get in first because I’m getting out at forty-third.”

Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/11/2006    pub.:Apr/11/2006    sent:Nov/5/2006

Ranking: 2.04 / 67
Two guys John and Dick were just about to go to sleep when they realized the gate to their car garage was not yet closed. Each one wanted the other to go and close it. Dick came with a solution he said, I will ask you a question if you answer it properly you will close the gate otherwise I will close it. Bright idea! Said John, go ahead and ask. Well said the Dick, There is small domestic animal, it spends most of its time in the house and sometimes it roams in the garden, it catches mice and cries mew, mew, I mean meow, meow. What is it? Well, that must be a fish answered John. After thinking for moment Dick exclaimed Oh! You got it!!
Thanks to: Said bin Sultan - Al-Ansab - Muscat - Oman
rec.:Jan/27/2002    pub.:Mar/6/2002

Ranking: 2.20 / 49
A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a month in the hospital. Suddenly a nurse notices his eye lids flicker. She calls the family in and they gather around his bed. Just then he sits up in bed awake and says..."TA-DAA"
Thanks to: Dennis Norton - Lincoln - Nebraska - USA.
rec.:Nov/26/2013    pub.:Nov/29/2013    sent:Jan/11/2015

Ranking: 1.99 / 72
A woman went in to cash a check at a currency exchange
The clerk asked her: "What type of check is this?"
The lady responded: "An unemployment check."
The clerk responded: "Oh well; then we will need a work number on here for verification".
Thanks to: Melinda M. - Rio Rancho - New Mexico - USA.
rec.:Nov/13/2002    pub.:Mar/28/2003

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