Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 3.03 / 145
Cat Lover's Rules:
1. The cat is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the cat is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Ok, the cat is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture.
4. The cat can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the cat is allowed on all the furniture, but it is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. The cat can sleep on the bed, but not under the covers or on the pillow.
7. OK, The cat can sleep under the covers and on the pillow by invitation only.
8. Well, ok, the cat can sleep under the covers every night and on the pillow too.
9. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the cover with the cat; only the cat can sleep on the pillow.
#880    
Thanks to: Mark - USA.
rec.:Nov/28/2000    pub.:Nov/28/2000    sent:May/31/2009


Ranking: 3.07 / 136
A Texas rancher was driving through Mexico and stopped at the edge of the road to admire the scenery and a white beautiful horse caught his eye. The horse looked healthy well kept and was in a separate corral. Just for tries the Texan asked one of the workers if the horse was for sale. The worker trying to communicate said “No, no, he no look to good.” The Texan was not satisfied with the answered because he saw that the animal looked great and insisted on buying it, after a few arguments the worker arranged for the sale and the Texan took the horse back to his ranch. He rode the horse through his ranch and galloped to the barn when suddenly the horse ran right into the barn wall. Frustrated the Texan takes the horse back to Mexico and talks to the worker that sold him the horse and explains what happened. The worker said, “I told you he no look to good”
#11372    
Thanks to: anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/16/2003    pub.:Oct/21/2003    sent:Feb/28/2013


Ranking: 3.04 / 139
One day a man is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?' the old man replies 'No never'. When the man bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately takes a snap at his hand. The man says 'I thought you said your dog did not bite! 'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!'
#5346    
Thanks to: laura - United Kingdom
rec.:Jul/15/2002    pub.:Oct/29/2002    sent:Apr/18/2013


Ranking: 3.27 / 97
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the
light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these
people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed
any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no
one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still mess on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs.
So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE
MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
#15569    
Thanks to: Morné van der Merwe - Stellenbosch - Western Cape - South Africa
rec.:Jul/28/2005    pub.:Jul/30/2005    sent:Oct/27/2013


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