Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 2.99 / 145
Three mice are sitting around drinking and boasting about their strengths. The first mouse says "Mouse traps, Ha! I do pushups with the bar". The second mouse pulls a pill from his pocket, swallows it, and says with a grin "D-Con Rat Poison". The third mouse finishes his drink, slams his glass on the table and starts to leave. The first mouse says, "Where do you think you're going?”
"Time to go home and chase the cat”
#2581    
Thanks to: Anton Wooldridge - Mankato - MN - USA.
rec.:Dec/28/2001    pub.:Dec/28/2001    sent:Jul/12/2011


Ranking: 2.90 / 170
Q. What do you call a polar bear with ear muffs?
A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
#17507    
Thanks to: Amber - Tifton - Nashville - USA.
rec.:Dec/7/2006    pub.:Feb/5/2007    sent:Nov/26/2014


Ranking: 2.67 / 262
A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner – to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.

While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job – to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.

The zoo owner was pleased with the man’s work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zoo’s beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.

The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents “what’s the food like here?” One of the zoo’s resident lions said, “Oh, it’s great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”
#5034    
Thanks to: Stephen Goldspink - Peterborough - United Kingdom
rec.:Jun/16/2002    pub.:Sep/7/2002    sent:Jun/15/2014


Ranking: 2.88 / 172
The National Game warden put out a warning to all hikers in his area. Warning that they should wear small bells on their boots so not to startle the bears. To distinguish the grizzly bear the notice read-- small bears droppings are small with nut and berries in it. Grizzly bear droppings are much larger with nuts and berries and little tiny bells in it.
#5850    
Thanks to: crumbebe - dolton - ill - Brazil
rec.:Sep/1/2002    pub.:Dec/3/2002    sent:Jun/18/2014


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