Category: Animal Jokes

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

Two monkeys were sitting in a tree and two lions were sleeping below them. One monkey said to the other monkey "I dare you to go down there and kick one of those lions in the rear end." The other monkey said o.k. I'll go down there and kick him in the rear end as hard as I can. So he goes down the tree and kicks the lion as hard as he can and takes off swinging through the trees. The lion starts to chase him. He keeps getting closer, and closer until the monkeys thinks "Man I better do something quick or that lion is going to eat me for lunch. So he keeps swinging until the lion is pretty far behind him and he sees a newspaper lying on the ground. So he picks it up and starts to read it. All of a sudden the lion catches up to him and says, "Did you see a monkey run by here?" The monkey goes, "You mean the one that kicked that lion in the rear end?" And the lion says,"Dang it was in the paper already?"

A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother muse puffed up her lungs and went, “Woof! Woof!” The cat turned tail and ran. With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settle and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children. “Now, what’s the lesson from that experience?” “We don’t know,” the baby mice squeaked. “It is this,” said Mother Mouse. “It’s always good to know a second language.”

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."