Category: Animal Jokes



Add to Google
[221]  12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26  
Ranking: 2.56 / 135
Two monkeys were sitting in a tree and two lions were sleeping below them. One monkey said to the other monkey "I dare you to go down there and kick one of those lions in the rear end." The other monkey said o.k. I'll go down there and kick him in the rear end as hard as I can. So he goes down the tree and kicks the lion as hard as he can and takes off swinging through the trees. The lion starts to chase him. He keeps getting closer, and closer until the monkeys thinks "Man I better do something quick or that lion is going to eat me for lunch. So he keeps swinging until the lion is pretty far behind him and he sees a newspaper lying on the ground. So he picks it up and starts to read it. All of a sudden the lion catches up to him and says, "Did you see a monkey run by here?" The monkey goes, "You mean the one that kicked that lion in the rear end?" And the lion says,"Dang it was in the paper already?"
#3169    
Thanks to: courtney - Pennsyvania - USA.
rec.:Feb/5/2002    pub.:Mar/10/2002    sent:Aug/22/2008


Ranking: 3.50 / 36
A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. "I believe it's your radiator," said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. "A cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the doorframe to glance down the field. "The cow with two big black spots on it?" the farmer asked slowly.
"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied.
"Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the man. "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a thing about cars."
#53    
Thanks to: James Cusik
rec.:May/18/1998    pub.:May/18/1998    sent:May/18/1998


Ranking: 3.24 / 46
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
#975    
Thanks to: Ophelia Morning
rec.:Mar/21/2001    pub.:Mar/21/2001    sent:Mar/21/2001


Ranking: 2.61 / 112
A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% Polar Bear"
The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great grandparents are 100% polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
The young polar bear replies "Because I am really cold!"
#18385    
Thanks to: Dan - Houghton - MI - USA.
rec.:Sep/23/2007    pub.:Oct/26/2007    sent:Feb/3/2008


[221]  12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26  


 


© 1995-2014 EMERgency 24 Inc.


60