Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 3.12 / 59
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats donít hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
You donít understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Cats arenít like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Iím Josephineís parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!
#23861    
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - S„o Paulo - Brazil
rec.:Dec/27/2013    pub.:Jan/24/2014    sent:Oct/22/2014


Ranking: 2.58 / 136
Two monkeys were sitting in a tree and two lions were sleeping below them. One monkey said to the other monkey "I dare you to go down there and kick one of those lions in the rear end." The other monkey said o.k. I'll go down there and kick him in the rear end as hard as I can. So he goes down the tree and kicks the lion as hard as he can and takes off swinging through the trees. The lion starts to chase him. He keeps getting closer, and closer until the monkeys thinks "Man I better do something quick or that lion is going to eat me for lunch. So he keeps swinging until the lion is pretty far behind him and he sees a newspaper lying on the ground. So he picks it up and starts to read it. All of a sudden the lion catches up to him and says, "Did you see a monkey run by here?" The monkey goes, "You mean the one that kicked that lion in the rear end?" And the lion says,"Dang it was in the paper already?"
#3169    
Thanks to: courtney - Pennsyvania - USA.
rec.:Feb/5/2002    pub.:Mar/10/2002    sent:Aug/22/2008


Ranking: 2.88 / 80
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says,Ē Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
#3176    
Thanks to: Albert Reed - Dillsburg - PA - USA.
rec.:Feb/6/2002    pub.:Feb/24/2002


Ranking: 3.50 / 36
A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. "I believe it's your radiator," said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. "A cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the doorframe to glance down the field. "The cow with two big black spots on it?" the farmer asked slowly.
"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied.
"Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the man. "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a thing about cars."
#53    
Thanks to: James Cusik
rec.:May/18/1998    pub.:May/18/1998    sent:May/18/1998


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