Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 2.56 / 81
On your left are 3 Ostriches. On your right is a herd of gazelles being chased by a lion.
In front of you are 4 deer. Behind you are 5 stampeding horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the Merry-Go-Round!
#19072    
Thanks to: Kristen - USA.
rec.:Apr/30/2008    pub.:May/14/2008    sent:Jun/4/2008


Ranking: 3.48 / 25
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats donít hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
You donít understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Cats arenít like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Iím Josephineís parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!
#23861    
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - S„o Paulo - Brazil
rec.:Dec/27/2013    pub.:Jan/24/2014


Ranking: 2.98 / 43
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'you have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, 'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!
#929    
Thanks to: Ann Oberholz
rec.:Jan/24/2001    pub.:Jan/24/2001    sent:Jan/24/2001


Ranking: 2.68 / 65
A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse serving drinks. The guy stares until the horse finally says, ďWhatís the problem? Havenít you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?Ē
The guy says, ďNo, itís not that. It is just that I never thought the ferret would sell the place.Ē
#19989    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Mar/30/2009    pub.:Mar/30/2009    sent:May/16/2010


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