Category: Animal Jokes

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Ranking: 3.15 / 27
A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he's ever seen, and asks how much it is. The shop owner replies 'that bird is $1000'. 'What?!?' cries the man, '$1000 for a bird? What does it do?’ 'Well, I'm glad you asked.' says the shop owner, 'you see, that bird can sing every female role in the ring cycle from memory.' The man thinks, ok but I can't afford the bird. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful, bird and asks how much that one is. 'That bird is $2000' replies the shop owner, and the man asks what this bird can do. 'Well, he can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory' the man thinks wow, but I really can't afford that bird. He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking in the corner of the cage, and, thinking that this bird couldn't cost very much, enquires. 'Oh, that bird is $20000' he is told by the owner. Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does. 'Oh, we haven't found out yet' the owner replies, 'but the other two call him 'Maestro''
Thanks to: madame opera - France
rec.:Jul/22/2012    pub.:May/28/2013    sent:Jul/25/2013

Ranking: 3.03 / 30
One day, snake, turtle and centipede are having a party. After two cases of beer are gone, they want to go get some more beers. So they discuss who's going to go get the beers. The turtle says, "I will go, you both just wait here." Two hours later, the turtle hasn't back yet, so the centipede says, “I will go.” So they open the door and see, turtle still walking out of the door. Because turtle walk too slow, the centipede says, “You both wait for me to come back, I got a lot of legs, I can walk fast.” So the snake and the turtle, wait for another two hours. Finally the snake is says, “What will take centipedes that long? So they open the door and check, wow, centipedes still at the front of the door, he is still putting on his shoes. Finally, snake said “let me go, I can walk fast, and no feet to put on shoes.” So snake went. After three hours, snake wasn't back yet. Both of them went to the store and see. And they saw snake stand there. And the snake says, " Don't give me that dirty look, only took me 5 minutes to the store, but I am still figuring out how to bring the beer back."
Thanks to: Victor - Saskatoon - Canada
rec.:Jul/18/2000    pub.:Jul/18/2000    sent:Jul/18/2000

Ranking: 2.45 / 67
Did you hear about the baby mouse that saw a bat?
He ran home and told his mother he’d seen and angel…
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jan/24/2003    pub.:Jan/24/2003

Ranking: 2.74 / 42
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves,
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Thanks to: Donna Stuckert - USA.
rec.:Aug/5/1999    pub.:Aug/5/1999    sent:Aug/5/1999

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