Ranking: 4.18 / 11
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!
Thanks to: John Teixeira - Barueri - São Paulo - Brazil
Ranking: 3.08 / 26
A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he's ever seen, and asks how much it is. The shop owner replies 'that bird is $1000'. 'What?!?' cries the man, '$1000 for a bird? What does it do?’ 'Well, I'm glad you asked.' says the shop owner, 'you see, that bird can sing every female role in the ring cycle from memory.' The man thinks, ok but I can't afford the bird. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful, bird and asks how much that one is. 'That bird is $2000' replies the shop owner, and the man asks what this bird can do. 'Well, he can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory' the man thinks wow, but I really can't afford that bird. He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking in the corner of the cage, and, thinking that this bird couldn't cost very much, enquires. 'Oh, that bird is $20000' he is told by the owner. Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does. 'Oh, we haven't found out yet' the owner replies, 'but the other two call him 'Maestro''
Thanks to: madame opera - France
rec.:Jul/22/2012 pub.:May/28/2013 sent:Jul/25/2013
Ranking: 2.97 / 29
One day, snake, turtle and centipede are having a party. After two cases of beer are gone, they want to go get some more beers. So they discuss who's going to go get the beers. The turtle says, "I will go, you both just wait here." Two hours later, the turtle hasn't back yet, so the centipede says, “I will go.” So they open the door and see, turtle still walking out of the door. Because turtle walk too slow, the centipede says, “You both wait for me to come back, I got a lot of legs, I can walk fast.” So the snake and the turtle, wait for another two hours. Finally the snake is says, “What will take centipedes that long? So they open the door and check, wow, centipedes still at the front of the door, he is still putting on his shoes. Finally, snake said “let me go, I can walk fast, and no feet to put on shoes.” So snake went. After three hours, snake wasn't back yet. Both of them went to the store and see. And they saw snake stand there. And the snake says, " Don't give me that dirty look, only took me 5 minutes to the store, but I am still figuring out how to bring the beer back."
Thanks to: Victor - Saskatoon - Canada
rec.:Jul/18/2000 pub.:Jul/18/2000 sent:Jul/18/2000
Ranking: 2.50 / 54
A deer was trying to cross a busy road but the traffic was very heavy. After waiting unsuccessfully for a few minutes, a bear walked past and said: “Excuse me, there’s a zebra crossing a bit further along the road.” The deer said, “Well, I hope he’s having better luck than I am!
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Sep/17/2013 pub.:Sep/17/2013 sent:Oct/8/2013