Category: Animal Jokes

SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub
me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call ...
and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the owner of an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.

The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can on to the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it's paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 meters away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 meters, turned, waved and hopped another 50 meters.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said:
"'Hair spray restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

The difference between men and women
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.
"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.
The businessman orders a coke.
After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"
The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.
Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.
The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.
Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.
The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"
Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.
At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."