Category: Animal Jokes

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Ranking: 3.12 / 163
A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he is cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
#12773    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/9/2004    pub.:Feb/9/2004    sent:Dec/25/2013


Ranking: 3.41 / 105
SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub
me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call ...
and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the owner of an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
#10840    
Thanks to: Morné van der Merwe - Stellenbosch - Western Province - South Africa
rec.:Aug/21/2003    pub.:Sep/12/2003    sent:Oct/5/2003


Ranking: 3.26 / 129
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
#14516    
Thanks to: Andrew Bush - Weymouth - Dorset - United Kingdom
rec.:Jan/18/2005    pub.:Apr/1/2005    sent:Dec/4/2010


Ranking: 3.15 / 146
Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede, all heavy smokers, were playing cards together. When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, "Cock, go out and get some packs! You know, I have NO legs." "But why me?" said the Cock, "I have only TWO legs!" So, the task fell on Centipede with no doubt. Centipede said nothing and left the room.
The left three waited and waited, but Centipede did not show up. One hour later, they couldn't wait anymore. "What's the devil Centipede doing?" Snake said impatiently, "Cat, go out and take a look!"
When Cat gets to the door, he got frightened. Centipede was SITTING there!!!! So the angry Cat said, "What are you doing here?"
"Can't you see? I'm putting on my shoes,” said Centipede.
#13688    
Thanks to: Albert - China
rec.:Jul/11/2004    pub.:Aug/3/2004    sent:Mar/13/2010


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