Category: Animal Jokes

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Ranking: 3.12 / 163
A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he is cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
#12773    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/9/2004    pub.:Feb/9/2004    sent:Dec/25/2013


Ranking: 3.41 / 105
SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub
me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call ...
and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the owner of an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
#10840    
Thanks to: Morné van der Merwe - Stellenbosch - Western Province - South Africa
rec.:Aug/21/2003    pub.:Sep/12/2003    sent:Oct/5/2003


Ranking: 3.26 / 129
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!” says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
#14516    
Thanks to: Andrew Bush - Weymouth - Dorset - United Kingdom
rec.:Jan/18/2005    pub.:Apr/1/2005    sent:Dec/4/2010


Ranking: 3.32 / 117

“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”
#12797    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/10/2004    pub.:Feb/10/2004    sent:Apr/6/2014


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