Category: Animal Jokes



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Ranking: 3.30 / 114

“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”
#12797    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Feb/10/2004    pub.:Feb/10/2004    sent:Apr/6/2014


Ranking: 3.38 / 101
“Please keep your dog beside you, sir,” a woman said crossly to the man sitting opposite to her on the bench at the park. “I can feel a flea in my shoe.” “Midnight, come here,” replied the man. “This woman has fleas.”
#21131    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:May/12/2010    pub.:May/12/2010    sent:Apr/28/2013


Ranking: 3.17 / 134
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for
Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
#61    
Thanks to: Donna Stuckert - USA.
rec.:Jun/1/1998    pub.:Jun/1/1998    sent:Mar/14/2013


Ranking: 3.22 / 122
Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.


#19749    
Thanks to: shannon - United Kingdom
rec.:Dec/12/2008    pub.:Jan/6/2009    sent:Mar/21/2014


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