Ranking: 3.27 / 117
A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."
Thanks to: Joe
rec.:Feb/26/2001 pub.:Feb/26/2001 sent:Aug/18/2011
Ranking: 3.46 / 89
A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling. They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage. After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”
The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”
Thanks to: Adam Copsey - London - United Kingdom
rec.:Feb/16/2007 pub.:Mar/21/2007 sent:Sep/17/2007
Ranking: 3.30 / 108
A husband comes home and sees his wife painting the living room, but she had her raincoat and her fur coat on. He asks her why she has her coats on. She replies, "I read the can, and it said for best results put on two coats."
Thanks to: Jesus - USA.
rec.:Jun/4/1999 pub.:Jun/4/1999 sent:Sep/2/2008
Ranking: 3.84 / 55
A couple attended marriage counseling to resolve communication problems. The fighting and bickering during the session was so bad the counselor called for a timeout and told them he was ending the session early but had an assignment for the husband.
“John,” the marriage counselor said, “you’re an athletic guy… here’s what I want you to do. I want you to jog 10 miles everyday for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days call me and let me know how things are going.”
At the end of the 30 days, John called the marriage counselor very excited. “I did just as you said and I have never felt better in my life!” he exclaimed over the phone.
“Great!” replied the counselor, “ And how’s your wife?”
John paused and then replied with agitated dismay, “How should I know, I’m 300 miles from home!”
Thanks to: Dan Osborne - Louisville - KY - USA.