Ranking: 3.58 / 96
A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, “Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.”
“Yes,” replied the man. “My card was stolen over a month ago.” “Why didn’t you report your card as stolen?” asked the card company representative. The man replied, “Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!”
Thanks to: Felix Kneuper - Fort Stockton - TX - USA.
rec.:May/18/2009 pub.:Jun/1/2009 sent:Jan/21/2010
Ranking: 3.70 / 83
A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal." So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW.."
Thanks to: Nicole
rec.:Jun/24/1998 pub.:Jun/24/1998 sent:Mar/23/2014
Ranking: 3.80 / 74
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Apr/27/2010 pub.:Apr/27/2010 sent:Apr/20/2014
Ranking: 3.83 / 71
An old lady walked into a newspaper office. She approached an employee and said that her husband had died and that she would like to have an obituary appear in the paper. The employee gave her a form and told her to write the obituary on it. She wrote, "Earl W. Worth died Saturday, December 2nd at his home. Services are at The Baptist Church at 3 P.M." The employee looked at the form and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but obituaries are limited to 7 words apiece. The woman took another form and wrote, "Earl died. '57 Chevy truck for sale."
Thanks to: Spencer Bloodworth - Salisbury - NC - USA.
rec.:Dec/9/2002 pub.:Apr/16/2003 sent:Feb/17/2009