Ranking: 3.95 / 261
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital,
near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition
appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something
to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and
Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then
The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that
time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that
he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred
died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before
he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure
there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're
standing on my oxygen tube!"
Thanks to: Poonam Aggarwal - India
rec.:Jun/25/2002 pub.:Oct/2/2002 sent:Jul/21/2012
Ranking: 3.86 / 272
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Thanks to: Bob Hoffman - USA.
rec.:Dec/16/2004 pub.:Dec/27/2004 sent:Mar/11/2011
Ranking: 3.84 / 250
During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.
Thanks to: willie sak - Peabody - Mass - USA.
rec.:Jun/9/2008 pub.:Jul/9/2008 sent:Nov/29/2011
Ranking: 3.38 / 450
Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:
1. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
2. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
3. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
4. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
5. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
6. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
7. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
8. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
Thanks to: Gemma Piscotti - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Feb/2/2000 pub.:Feb/2/2000 sent:Nov/30/2011