Category: Miscellaneous Jokes

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Ranking: 3.96 / 92
I rear-ended another car this morning. I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!
He was a dwarf!! He looked up at me and said, "I am 'Not Happy.'
So I said, "Well, then, which one are you?"

And, that's how the fight started.
Thanks to: Ron Rossi - USA.
rec.:Oct/19/2007    pub.:Oct/26/2007

Ranking: 3.31 / 212
One day Bin Laden went to a fortuneteller and asked her when will I die. She replied: You will die on an American holiday. So he asks which American holiday and she says it doesn’t matter. When you die it will be an American holiday.
Thanks to: melanie goncalves - USA.
rec.:Nov/4/2001    pub.:Dec/8/2001    sent:Jul/31/2002

Ranking: 3.82 / 103
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other
monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they
are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, pointing
out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be
continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,but
you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it
against the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the
monks goes downstairs to look for him.

Hearing sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk
leaning over one of the original books crying.

He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply,
"The word is celebrate."

Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jun/22/2002    pub.:Jun/22/2002    sent:Sep/24/2008

Ranking: 4.11 / 71
1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and
I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

2. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospital dying of

3. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an
argument going.

4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to.

5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a
woman is their eyes, and woman say the first thing they notice about men is
they're a bunch of liars.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to

8. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you $200 and a
substantial tax cut saves you 35 cents?

9. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

11. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

12. You read about all these terrorists---most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15
years. Now compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video
and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
Thanks to: Peggy Wallace - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Apr/11/2003    pub.:Jul/18/2005    sent:Aug/2/2005

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