Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A duck went into a bar and asked for some crackers. The waiter said no. The next day he came into the bar and asked for crackers again. The waiter said no, again. The next day he came in again and asked for crackers. The waiter said no. The next day the waiter said if you ask for crakers one more time I will nail your beak to the counter. The next day the duck asked if the waiter had any nails, "No," said the waiter. The duck then asked "Do you have any crackers"

A ghost walks into a bar at midnight, and asks the bartender for a Whisky.
The bartender says " Sorry we don't serve spirits after 11"

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband crashing through the front door at 3 am waked her up. He staggered and tried to get up the stairs, " what are you doing" she shouted, the husband replies " I’m trying to get a gallon of beer up the stairs" "leave it down there" she bellowed "I cant" he replied " I’ve drunk it".

In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words. She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,” he said, “what about my kind word?”
She replied, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”