Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 3.21 / 43
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey bartender. If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The bartender says "sure" and the drunk pulls a frog out of his pocket and sets it down on the table. The frog then plays the best jazz the bartender heard in years and he gives the drunk his free drink. The drunk says " hey bartender. If I show you another trick will you give me another free drink?" The bartender says "If it's anything like the trick you just showed me, you can drink the rest of the night for free." So the drunk pulls a rat out of his pocket and the rat starts singing. The bartender starts pouring drinks for the drunk as fast as the drunk could drink them. Two hours later, an agent walks into a bar and sees the frog and the rat. He walks up to the bartender and says "That's the greatest act I've seen in years. Who owns that act?" The bartender points to the drunk who's passed out on the floor and says "He does." The agent wakes the drunk and says" That's the greatest act Ive seen in years. I'll give you $100,000 for that act." The drunk says "There not for sale." "Ok," the agent says "then I'll give you $50,000 for the singing rat." "It's a deal" the drunk says so the agent gives him the money and leaves with the rat. "I can't believe you! You had a million dollar rat there you just passed it up for a measly 50 grand" The bartender yells. "Relax," said the drunk, "The frogs a ventriloquist."
Thanks to: Matt Stefanski - Highlands Ranch - Colorado - USA.
rec.:Jul/8/2001    pub.:Jul/8/2001    sent:Jul/8/2001

Ranking: 2.72 / 82
Two drunks were walking down the railroad tracks. After a couple of miles, one of them says, "Man, all these steps are killing me!" The other drunk replies, "It's not all these steps; it's these darned low handrails!"
Thanks to: LKD
rec.:Oct/21/1998    pub.:Oct/21/1998    sent:Dec/21/2007

Ranking: 2.89 / 61
One friend to another: Did you know that the shortest sentence in the English language is
I am.
Really. Whats the longest sentence?
I do.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/7/2003    pub.:Oct/7/2003    sent:Jan/17/2004

Ranking: 2.51 / 103
A man comes home after an assignment of 3-years and he finds, there is an additional member of the family, a 29 months toddler. Furious he demands an explanation:
He says, how could you have done this to me! Did you cheat on me with one of my friends, was it Josh, was it Nathan, or was it John?
His wife with a daring look says, your friends! Your friends! Dont you think I have my own friends too?

Thanks to: angel - davao - Philippines
rec.:Jan/11/2002    pub.:Jan/20/2002

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