Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

Its Mike’s first day on the job as a bartender. As he serves a customer a Manhattan, a piece of parsley falls into the drink. “What the hell is that?” the customer asks.
“It’s your Manhattan. And there’s Central Park.” He replied.

Did you hear about the baby born in the high-tech delivery room?
It was cordless!

A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says,
“I’d like a beer please, and one for the road.”

A man walks into a pub, and approaches the bar. He orders a pint and looks down to see a bowl of peanuts on the counter. He decides to eat one, when he picks it up and goes to put it in his mouth the peanut says "hello handsome"! So he puts the peanut down in astonishment.
He decides to try one more time. And yet again the peanut talks "ooh you are gorgeous". Well as you can imagine he was really stunned.
He then decides to go over to buy some cigarettes from the dispenser. He drops in a pound and the machine spits it out and tells him to "go away ugly"! This really shocked the man so he goes up to the barman and says" why is it, when I pick up the peanuts from the bar they are really nice to me, yet when I try to get some cigarettes from the machine it tells me I'm ugly"?
Ah well the barman replies..."THE PEANUTS ARE COMPLIMENTARY AND THE CIGARETTE MACHINE IS OUT OF ORDER"!