Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 2.60 / 65
A policeman finds someone crawling on all fours in the middle of the street. The cop approaches him and asks him, "What on earth do you think you’re doing?" The man on the floor replies, “I’ve lost it." The policeman asks him curiously, "lost what?" The man on the floor answers, "well (hiccup) my balance sir."
Thanks to: Odon Bessenyei - Canada
rec.:May/17/2003    pub.:Jun/30/2003    sent:Jul/13/2003

Ranking: 2.63 / 62
A man goes into a bar and orders double bourbon. He takes a sip of the drink and says to the bartender: "I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve got." The bartender says: "What have you got".

The man replies: "30 cents".
Thanks to: Tony Rose - South Shields - United Kingdom
rec.:Nov/9/2001    pub.:Dec/8/2001

Ranking: 2.71 / 52
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood-lite."
Thanks to: Mark O.
rec.:Mar/9/1999    pub.:Mar/9/1999    sent:Mar/9/1999

Ranking: 2.67 / 55
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Norks Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs and says, "You smell kind of norky. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not norks," and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said, "Not to worry, the norks are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the norkiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought norks were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Dec/20/1999    pub.:Dec/20/1999    sent:Dec/20/1999

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