Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes



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Ranking: 2.59 / 51
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"
The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." He then pulls a little three-inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks, "You mean to say, he can drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted.
So, the bartender pours the two shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing!" he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and says, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on safari, hunting, and you called that native witch doctor a jerk!"
#252    
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/12/1999    pub.:Feb/12/1999    sent:Feb/12/1999


Ranking: 2.48 / 61
A man was explaining to a friend how he managed to get home the previous night.
" I was doing just fine until I turned into my driveway", he said.
"And then what happened?"
"Someone stepped on my hands!"
#10474    
Thanks to: Jack Lange - Winnipeg - Manitoba - Canada
rec.:Jul/13/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:Nov/16/2003


Ranking: 2.30 / 83
Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.
“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.
#21365    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/12/2010    pub.:Aug/12/2010    sent:Jan/1/2011


Ranking: 2.48 / 60
Dr. Burns was disgusted when Frank staggered into his office thoroughly inebriated.
He looked at him severely. “What happened, Frank? I thought we were going to lick this problem by cutting you down to just two drinks a day.” Frank dragged a finger across his chest. “Cross my heart, doc, I—I did as you asked.”
“Impossible. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this shape.”
“No, honestly!” Frank replied. “In fact, when I left here the other day. I went to another doctor for a second opinion – and he prescribed the same thing!”
#10689    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/5/2003    pub.:Aug/5/2003    sent:Aug/27/2003


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