Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 2.33 / 80
An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.
“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.
“Sure,” said the man
“Thanks,” said the drunk.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/11/2008    pub.:Aug/11/2008    sent:Nov/28/2009

Ranking: 2.59 / 51
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"
The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." He then pulls a little three-inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks, "You mean to say, he can drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted.
So, the bartender pours the two shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing!" he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and says, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa on safari, hunting, and you called that native witch doctor a jerk!"
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Feb/12/1999    pub.:Feb/12/1999    sent:Feb/12/1999

Ranking: 2.48 / 61
A man was explaining to a friend how he managed to get home the previous night.
" I was doing just fine until I turned into my driveway", he said.
"And then what happened?"
"Someone stepped on my hands!"
Thanks to: Jack Lange - Winnipeg - Manitoba - Canada
rec.:Jul/13/2003    pub.:Aug/19/2003    sent:Nov/16/2003

Ranking: 2.30 / 83
Two drunks are sitting elbow to elbow at a bar. “I wish I knew where I was going to die,” Paul says.
“Why?” asks Tom
“Because if I knew I would not go there “Paul replied.
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Aug/12/2010    pub.:Aug/12/2010    sent:Jan/1/2011

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