Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry, "replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

A man in a bar is enjoying his drink when he hears a voice say, "You look great!" He looks around, but there is nobody near him. He hears the voice again: "No, really, you look just terrific!" Again he looks around. Nobody. A few minutes pass, and again he hears the voice: "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you look absolutely stunning!" At this point the man realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the man calls to the bartender, "What's with these nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "they're complimentary."

Three strings walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The first string walks up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender looks at the string and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." Disappointed, the string walks back to his buddies and explains. The second string says "No problem, I'll go get our beers." The second string walks up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender says, "Listen man, I told your buddy that we don't serve strings here." Empty handed, the second string walks back to his buddies. The third string says, "No problem. Tie me in a knot at one end and fray my ends at the other." He struts up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender proceeds to get him the beer when he suspiciously turns to look at the string and says, "Excuse me, but are you a string?" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!" 

Why doesn’t psychotherapy work on men?
“They don’t have to go back to their childhood.”