Ranking: 2.66 / 41
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry, "replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
Thanks to: Charlene Repsis
rec.:Apr/6/1999 pub.:Apr/6/1999 sent:Apr/6/1999
Ranking: 2.48 / 52
Guy going home from the pub is stopped at a police checkpoint. A bobby comes over and tells the driver to roll down his window. When he does, the copper is almost knocked over with the smell of alcohol. So he asks: "Have you been drinking, suuur?" (as English cops are wont to say). "Yes", replies the driver. "What did you have exactly, suuuur"? "Well, about seven or eight pints of Guinness, a couple of whiskies, and then one or two night caps in the form of double brandies". The copper pulls out his breathalyzer and says, "Would you mind blowing into this, suuur"? To which the drunk dude retorts: "What for? Do you not believe me?"
Thanks to: Paul - Italy
rec.:Dec/3/2004 pub.:Dec/15/2004 sent:Jun/13/2005
Ranking: 2.61 / 41
A man in a bar is enjoying his drink when he hears a voice say, "You look great!" He looks around, but there is nobody near him. He hears the voice again: "No, really, you look just terrific!" Again he looks around. Nobody. A few minutes pass, and again he hears the voice: "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you look absolutely stunning!" At this point the man realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the man calls to the bartender, "What's with these nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "they're complimentary."
Thanks to: Marlene - Illinois - USA.
rec.:May/8/1998 pub.:May/8/1998 sent:May/8/1998
Ranking: 2.66 / 38
Three strings walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The first string walks up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender looks at the string and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." Disappointed, the string walks back to his buddies and explains. The second string says "No problem, I'll go get our beers." The second string walks up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender says, "Listen man, I told your buddy that we don't serve strings here." Empty handed, the second string walks back to his buddies. The third string says, "No problem. Tie me in a knot at one end and fray my ends at the other." He struts up to the bartender, "Bartender, three beers please." The bartender proceeds to get him the beer when he suspiciously turns to look at the string and says, "Excuse me, but are you a string?" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Jan/6/2000 pub.:Jan/6/2000 sent:Jan/6/2000