Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine then tossed the remainder in the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come."
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine then threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.
"On the contrary," the man said," he's done me a world of good."
"But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.
"Yes," the man replied, "but it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"

A man walks into a bar and orders 3 beers.
The bartender asks him why he gets three beers the man told the bartender well one is for me and the other two, for my brothers who live in Texas.
The man does this for about a week and one day the man walks in and orders two beers instead of three. The bartender asks him why just two the man said well my wife told me I had to quit drinking but she didn't say anything about my brothers to stop.

A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "I'd like a Whiskey Sour." The bartender replies "How do you make that?" The guy says "You put in whiskey to make it strong, water to make it weak, lemon to make it sour and sugar to make it sweat. You mix it all together and you say 'Here's to you' and then you drink it yourself." The bartender says "That's not a drink! That's a contradiction!"

A man was at the bar and asked for a shot and so the bartender gave him the drink the man drank it then looked in his pocket. Then the man asked for another so the bartender again gave it to him then after he took the drink the man looked in his pocket. The man asked for another drink and did the same thing. Then the bartender asked the man why he kept looking in his pocket, and the man said there is a picture of my wife in there and when she starts looking good that’s when I will go home.