Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 2.32 / 56
A drunk stumbles up to a woman in a bar and says “Hey baby, how about coming back to my place for a nightcap?
“That’ll be the day!” she says
”Well, howzabout having dinner with me tomorrow night then?”
“That’ll be the day!” she says
“Okay, why don’t we take my corporate jet and spend the weekend in Rome?”
“This’ll be the day.” She says
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Oct/29/2008    pub.:Oct/29/2008    sent:Apr/10/2009

Ranking: 2.43 / 47
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 beers.
The bartender asks him why he gets three beers the man told the bartender well one is for me and the other two, for my brothers who live in Texas.
The man does this for about a week and one day the man walks in and orders two beers instead of three. The bartender asks him why just two the man said well my wife told me I had to quit drinking but she didn't say anything about my brothers to stop.
Thanks to: Annymous - USA.
rec.:Mar/27/2006    pub.:Apr/6/2006    sent:Jun/19/2006

Ranking: 2.69 / 32
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine then tossed the remainder in the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see a psychoanalyst about his problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they come."
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the bartender and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week." He took a sip of the wine then threw the remainder into the bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he spluttered.
"On the contrary," the man said," he's done me a world of good."
"But you just threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.
"Yes," the man replied, "but it doesn't embarrass me anymore!"
Thanks to: Donna Stuckert - USA.
rec.:Jan/12/1999    pub.:Jan/12/1999    sent:Jan/12/1999

Ranking: 2.56 / 36
A doctor worked on the tenth floor of an office building. In the building was a pub, where the doctor had a lemon daiquiri, every day at quitting time. The bartender's name was Dick.
One dyadic found out he didn't have any lemons and no time to get any. So he thought he would make up a hickory daiquiri instead and at the end of the day, the doctor would be too tired to notice.
The doctor sat down, took a sip and said "This isn't a lemon daiquiri, Dick!"...To which Dick replied, "No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!"
Thanks to: Freddie Pitz - Canada
rec.:Nov/21/2013    pub.:Nov/29/2013    sent:Jul/28/2014

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