Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

A man went up to the barman and ordered a drink. With his drink, the barman gave him a bowl of peanuts, and from the bowl of peanuts the man heard a voice say, "I think you look great." But the man just ignored it. Then the man went over to the cigarette machine, put his money in and got nothing out. He heard a voice from the machine say, "I have never seen such an ugly face." At this point, the man was confused, so he told the barman about the voices, and the barman said, "The bowl of peanuts was complimentary, but the cigarette machine is just out of order."

A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "mug or long neck?"

A grasshopper hops into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "HEY! We have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper looks at the bartender and says, "You have a drink named Harry?"

A five-dollar bill walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Get outta here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar."