Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes



Add to Google
[145]  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15  
Ranking: 3.38 / 413
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”
#5411    
Thanks to: Anonymous - USA.
rec.:Jul/20/2002    pub.:Jul/20/2002    sent:Sep/5/2013


Ranking: 3.11 / 637
An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,
"No way, buddy, you're too drunk."
A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time -- you're too drunk"
Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"
The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing."
#266    
Thanks to: Mark O.
rec.:Feb/28/1999    pub.:Feb/28/1999    sent:May/30/2014


Ranking: 3.18 / 524
Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months! "TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"
#3    
Thanks to: Dave Lundy
rec.:Apr/2/1997    pub.:Apr/2/1997    sent:May/29/2013


Ranking: 3.60 / 245
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.
Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."
The guy slurs, "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."
#269    
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Mar/3/1999    pub.:Mar/3/1999    sent:Feb/14/2014


[145]  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15  


 


© 1995-2014 EMERgency 24 Inc.


181