Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 3.44 / 117
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, and God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Seamus yells out, "Hey, here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
#18555    
Thanks to: Jim Bell - Sunnyvale - CA - USA.
rec.:Nov/14/2007    pub.:Nov/23/2007    sent:Dec/13/2007


Ranking: 3.28 / 145
10 reasons why beer should be served at work
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
6. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
7. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
8. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
9. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
10. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
#728    
Thanks to: Dan Swihart - USA.
rec.:Jul/29/2000    pub.:Jul/29/2000    sent:Dec/2/2002


Ranking: 3.37 / 120
After a long day a sailor enters a bar, and noticed a pirate sitting at the bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. So the sailor walks over to the pirate and says, “May I ask how you lost your leg?" The pirate replied,"Arrrrr one stormy night on me ship I fell overboard, and a shark swam up to me and bit off me leg." The sailor says,"That's to bad, but how did you lose your hand?" The pirate resplied,"Arrrrr one day at sea me and my crew were battling an enemy and we were using swords so one of those B**t**ds cut off me hand." "How did you lose your eye? Asked the sailor. "Well, one summer day I was looking at the clouds, and a seagull came and pooped in me eye." Said the pirate. "You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it? “Said the sailor. " No, you see it was the first day with the hook! “Said the pirate.
#4776    
Thanks to: Andrew - Lafayette - Indiana - USA.
rec.:May/28/2002    pub.:Aug/4/2002    sent:May/19/2003


Ranking: 3.48 / 96
A man was well inebriated, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn't exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit. Two policemen pulled him over and demanded a sobriety test. They asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They began to take him with them, but suddenly they received a call on their walkie-talkies, asking them to go to another part of town. They asked the man to be patient while they called someone else to cover for them. But the man grew tired of waiting and, after a few minutes, drove home. He got in bed and said to his wife, who had been waiting for him, "If any policemen come looking for me, tell them I'm not home yet." The wife agreed, somewhat confused and a little embarrassed. No sooner than her husband fell asleep did she hear a knock at the door. Sure enough, it was the two policemen. They asked about her husband, and she replied that he wasn't home. Then they asked to check her garage. Puzzled, she agreed. She opened up the garage for them--and there sat the policemen's squad car, lights still flashing.
#6733    
Thanks to: Alyssa - USA.
rec.:Nov/20/2002    pub.:Apr/7/2003    sent:Jun/19/2014


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