Category: Bar & Drinking Jokes

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Ranking: 3.28 / 109
This snail crawls up to this bar as it was closing. The snail pounds and pounds on the door until the bartender finally opens the door. The bartender looks around and sees nothing until the snail demands a beer. The bartender looks down and sees him, but replies, "Hey, we're closed now and besides we don't serve snails!" and proceeds to slam the door.
The snail again pounds on the door. The bartender becomes so frustrated that he opens the door again and kicks the snail away.
A year later as the bartender was about to close again, he hears a pounding on the door again. He opens the door and looks down to see the same snail again. The snail looked up and replies, "What'd you do that for?"
Thanks to: Rick Kennedy - Chicago - USA.
rec.:Mar/8/1999    pub.:Mar/8/1999    sent:Mar/8/1999

Ranking: 3.15 / 130
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
Thanks to: someone - Maryland Heights - MO - USA.
rec.:Jun/12/2003    pub.:Jul/10/2003    sent:Oct/23/2013

Ranking: 3.36 / 95
A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.
This is repeated a dozen times before the bartender asks him what he is doing.
He replies, "In my pocket I have a picture of my wife. When she gets good looking, I quit drinking..."
Thanks to: Mikael Skjodt Sorensen Jol & Pangel A/S - Jęsle - Denmark
rec.:Apr/19/1999    pub.:Apr/19/1999    sent:Nov/8/2009

Ranking: 3.19 / 120
A drunk was leaning against a lamppost staring up at a signboard and yelling, "It can't be done, it's too big! Another drunk staggered by and slurred, "What can't be done?" The other drunk answered.
"What does that sign say, 'DRINK CANADA DRY'. "It's just too damn big, it can’t be done!"
Thanks to: Owens Pomeroy - Baltimore - Maryland - USA.
rec.:Jan/14/2002    pub.:Jan/20/2002

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