Category: Quotes Jokes



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Ranking: 4.24 / 42
· OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
· I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
· Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
· Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
· Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
· Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
· A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
· Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
· Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
· Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
· Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
· Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
· There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
· Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
· Keep honking...I'm reloading
#443    
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Sep/17/1999    pub.:Sep/17/1999    sent:Sep/17/1999


Ranking: 3.85 / 54
Funny Bumper Stickers:
· Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
· We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
· He who laughs last thinks slowest.
· Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
· It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
· Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
· Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
· Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
· Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
· Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
#442    
Thanks to: Anonymous
rec.:Sep/16/1999    pub.:Sep/16/1999    sent:Sep/16/1999


Ranking: 3.08 / 65
Minds are like parachutes.they only work when they're open
Money is like a promise, easier made than kept
#601    
Thanks to: Arsen Vladimirsky - Chicago - IL - USA.
rec.:Mar/2/2000    pub.:Mar/2/2000    sent:Nov/2/2007


Ranking: 3.09 / 57
1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
#16456    
Thanks to: Scorch - United Kingdom
rec.:Feb/20/2006    pub.:Feb/22/2006    sent:Aug/2/2006


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