"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals." - Donna Maria G, age 9
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you." - Rob P, age 8
"If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it." - Steven B, age 8
"Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs." - Susie F., age 7
"Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." - Beau M., age 10
Two friends are driving in a car. Phil, from the passenger seat, is yelling instructions.
"You idiot! You were supposed to turn left!"
"Make a U-Turn now! You're going to get lost!"
"OK then, merge left onto the freeway."
"Dummy, you missed the freeway! Now it's going to take forever to get where you're going!" You're hopeless!
"Say, Phil, what's up with that ornery voice?" asks Tom, from the driver seat.
"Sorry, Tom, that's my GPS-WAAS talking."
"What's a GPS-WAA?"
"GPS With An Attitude!"
On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney, took a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home in Cincinnati.
At the end of the day he knew that the policy of the railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He therefore sent this telegram: "Stop at Somerville for a large party."
As the train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and conductor asked, "Where's the large party?"
Taft, with all of his 335 pounds replied, "I AM the large party."