Because it was my brother’s birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who took the call was very excited. "Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be great!"
The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said ‘a keg.’"
A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"
They sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
A policeman is passing through a supermarket parking lot when he sees a car turn into a 'Handicap Parking' space with no sticker.
He pulls over as the gentlemen is getting out of his parked car.
"Ahem," He clears his throat to the man, "Sir, this is a HANDICAP spot, you know."
The man looks at him quizzically, then back to the space, then back to the officer. "Ok," he answers.
The police officer crosses his arms. "Well, what's you're handicap bub?"
He pauses to think for a minute. "Well, I can't read sir, does that count?"