After struggling for many hours deep within the forest
of stately hardwoods, the new lumberjack finally quit. He just couldn't hack it.
Q: What can you put your money into that is sure to go up?
Q: What is sure confidence?
A: Solving crossword puzzles with a fountain pen.
An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick’s Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.
He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick’s Day, he picked her a sham-rock.