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"I stand corrected!"

... Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Little Johnny was being shown the shape of the earth on a globe atlas by his mother. After pointing to all countries with unusual shapes, she asks: "Now Johnny, what shape is the world?"

Johnny, looking very wise and happy, said: "Daddy says it's in terrible shape."

My uncle was crushed by a piano....

His funeral was very low key

A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

“I am a turtle,” he says.

“Who’s on your back?”

“That’s Michelle.”