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My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too un-American...

But honestly, I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

I went to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new girlfriend, Dorothy.

While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. Dorothy said that she wanted to go to Gotham City for her next vacation.

I tried to explain to her that it wasn't a real place. She laughed and said, "It is, too. It's where Batman lives."

I laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was serious. I then tried to explain. "Batman does not exist. Why do you think there have been four of them: Bale, Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"

She looked me straight in the eye and said, "That's because he doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."

To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

For a while I worked at a sarcastic tattoo parlor.

I quit because I couldn’t take the needling.