Leaderboard - 10 unique winners each week!

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says, "Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

It was my wedding day, and no one was happier than my 78-year-old mother.

But as she approached the church doors, an usher asked, “Which side are you on?”

“Oh, no,” she said. “Are they fighting already?”

A fellow was going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine made a loud 'hiss-pop!' noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explained the guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

Later, the tour reached the part of the factory where condoms were manufactured. The machine made a noise: "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!"

"Wait a minute!" said the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so often?"

"Oh, it's rather like the baby-bottle nipple machine," said the guide, "but here the needle pokes a hole in every fourth condom."

"Well, that can't be good for the condoms!"

"No," the guide said, "but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

You know it's just too hot when...

1. Fireflies are asking you to put them out.

2. Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

3. Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

4. Your sweatpants are sweating and you're not even wearing them!

5. The thermometer resigned.

6. The National Weather Service says its too hot to declare a heat advisory.