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Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, "Do you want to know about your husband's future?"

Without hesitation, the wife responds. "I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past."

Each year our company holds a training session in the conference room of the same hotel. When we were told we would not be able to reserve our usual location, my secretary, Gail, spent many hours on the phone trying to work out alternative arrangements.

Finally, when the details were ironed out, she burst into my office. "Great news, Scott!" she announced. "We’re getting our regular room at the hotel!"

All eyes were on Gail and me as she suddenly realized she had interrupted a meeting with co-workers.

Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

Husband: "Honey, why do you usually answer me back with a question when I ask you a question?"

Wife: "Is that what I do?"