Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
A: Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

Q: How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That is a military secret. If I told you I would have to kill you.