Vance Joines Profile

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Vance Joines

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Member Since : Apr, 2005
# of jokes posted : 2
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Location: United States
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This is what cats have scheduled around the clock! You indoor cat owners can agree with me!
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat!
1:00 AM: After human feeds the cat at midnight, the cat gets a surge of energy and has a sudden need to play!! Cat then jumps up and down on human’s chest as a use for entertainment.
3:06 AM: After the human throws the cat off the bed, the cat jumps back up on the bed and finds the human's toes as a new toy.
3:10 AM: After the human kicks the cat off the bed, the cat gets angry and storms out of the room.
4:00 AM: Human goes to the bathroom. Cats find this a great opportunity to show affection for human. When human returns to the bedroom he finds the cat totally stretched out in the right across the dead center of the bed. After human throws cat into basement the cat feels upset and hurt. Cat claws and meows at the door in order to get the humans attention.
4:10 AM: Human frustrated because it is getting no sleep and it has to go to work at 5:00. The human cannot sleep because it hears the loud noises that the cat is making. Human opens the door to the basement and the cat runs into the human’s bedroom and under the bed.
4:40 AM: After spending 30 minutes trying to get the cat out from under the bed. The human gives up and rushes to get ready for work.
5:59 AM: After the human gets a shower and brushes its teeth. It opens the door to leave for work, when the cat runs out into the yard.
5:15 AM: The human finally catches the cat and it is very tired and upset he will be 20 minutes late for work.
5:20 AM: After being roughly thrown inside, the cat watches the human speed off. The cat then congratulates himself of a job well done and the cat sleeps for the next 3 hours.
8:30 AM: After spending 3 hours of lovely slumber the cat gets busy to work by throwing up and going to the bathroom on the carpet. The cat then amuses itself by knocking over lamps, shedding on the furniture, eating plants, and eating meat on the counter that the human forgot to put away last night.
3:00 PM: The cat is very tired after destroying the house and the cat goes to the human’s bed and finds comfort under the covers.
5:00 PM: The human walks in the door coming from work and it is very upset because it got fired from work for being late.
5:05 PM: The human is very tired and falls over on the bed in exhaustion.
5:06 PM: The human tries to calm the cat down after it was just smashed by the human.
6:00 PM: The human feeds the cat and the cat forgives the human for smashing it!
9:00 PM: After feeding the cat again the human attempts to go to sleep because it has to wake up at 5:00 because it wants find another job.
9:30 PM: The human goes to bed finally after watching TV with the cat. The human then decides to sleep for at least 2 and half hours.
12:00 AM: The cat gets hungry hops on to nearest human attempts to wake human up to feed the cat..................

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CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Vance Joines" |
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Things learned from TV:

All crimes are solved in 1 hour.

The Good guy always wins.

When you’re trapped, you always find a way out.

A trip from Los Angeles to China takes 5 seconds.

All women still have makeup on when they wake up in the morning.

When you’re a hero, you will never get burnt in a fire.

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CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Vance Joines" |