A man awoke one evening to discover prowlers in his storage shed. He immediately called 911, gave his address, to report the prowlers and possible burglary. The operator at the other end said, "Are they in your house?"

He said they were not, only in his storage shed in back of the house. The operator said there were no cars available at that time. He thanked the operator, hung up the phone and counted to 30 and called again. "I just called you about prowlers in my storage shed. Well you do not have to worry, as I just shot them all dead!"

Within seconds there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and fire engine at the scene. After capturing the prowlers red-handed, the policeman asked the caller, "I thought you said you had shot them all?"

The man answered, "I thought you said there were no police available?"

A young man was paying an over-night visit to an out-of-town boyhood friend and his wife and young son. When it came time to retire, the young man was told he could sleep in the same bed as his son. After putting on his pajamas and entering the young son's room, he noticed the lad was stooped on the side of the bed with his head bowed. The young man proceeded to do the same thing on his side of the bed, thinking the lad was praying.
"What are you doing?” said the lad.
"The same thing you are", answered the young man.
"Oh, boy"! Said the young lad. "Mommy’s going to' be real mad at you, because the potty is on this side of the bed!"

A drunk was leaning against a lamppost staring up at a signboard and yelling, "It can't be done, it's too big! Another drunk staggered by and slurred, "What can't be done?" The other drunk answered.
"What does that sign say, 'DRINK CANADA DRY'. "It's just too damn big, it can’t be done!"

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"