An elderly man just finished his annual physical, when the doctor came in grinning from ear-to-ear. "Fred, we did a full workup - heart, lungs, credit score, investments and guess what? You can afford to live another 15 years."

A guy at the office was at the water fountain, when his co-worker asked, "Did you hear about the guy who got run over by a boat in Venice?"

"Yeah - he's gondola better place."

Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Santa!"
Doctor: "Your suffering from Claus-trophobia."

Why is Christmas like a day at the office?

Because, you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.